Racial Trauma Guide

Here is an infographic version of the guide to Help Children & Teens Cope With Racism.

• Infants and toddlers will not fully understand racism and experiences of discrimination, but if parents are experiencing racial stressors, this could influence family routines, parent mood, and social interactions.
  • As a caregiver, take care of yourself
  • Look for changes in your child’s behavior such as increases in irritability, crying, or withdrawn behavior so you can support and help soothe them.
• Children, 3–10 years old may notice changes in caregivers’ mood and stress levels. Additionally, children may experience racial discrimination in the form of teasing, bullying, and other children avoiding playing with them, for example.
  • Have honest conversations with your child about racism using language they understand.
  • Encourage them to express their emotions and listen in a way that makes it clear that it is okay for them to talk about racial stress with caregivers.
  • Make it clear that racism is wrong.
  • Model emotional expression and label your emotions when you are also experiencing racial stress.
  • Do activities with your children that highlight positive aspects of their racial identity and that are enjoyable to facilitate mood change

• Youth and Adolescents, 11–19 years old, may struggle to cope with fear, anxiety, anger, and sadness stemming from racism. Teens may start arguments or be withdrawn, and even feel physically ill (i.e., headaches, insomnia, and nausea).
  • Look for emotional and behavioral cues that your child may show such as hyper-vigilance (i.e., being jumpy or “on edge”), confusion, or difficulty concentrating.
  • Exposure to racial stressors through social media, although essential for being informed, may be overwhelming and difficult for children to process on their own.
  • Limit social media time if necessary and have conversations with your child about racial violence and experiences of racism.
  • Validate their feelings (e.g., “It’s okay to feel this way when people say things like that”).
  • Encourage your child to engage in other activities they enjoy as a family or individually.
  • Participate in activities with your child to celebrate being Black.
  • Model and encourage coping behaviors like using enjoyable distractions (i.e., going for a walk, cooking, watching a TV show).  Point out positives of situations, express both comfortable and uncomfortable emotions, do relaxation techniques (i.e., deep breaths, yoga, stretching).
  • Keep up with self-care routines (i.e., journaling, eating meals regularly, showering).
  • At this age, teens may want to engage in activism or to express their emotions through activities (i.e., art, photography, talking to friends, social media posts). Support them in these efforts so they can feel empowered and confident!

• Remember there is no right or wrong way to do this. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the emotions you and your child may be feeling.
• Address your own anxiety and stress in a healthy way.
• Use verbal and nonverbal language to communicate your care and concern.
• Stay focused on your child and the conversation. Let them know you are listening by not multitasking or talking over them.
• Speak to them calmly using language they know.
• Be honest and explain what racism is and how it is wrong.
• Try to make them feel safe. Explain that you will be there to take care of them and love them.
• Ask your child(ren) how they are feeling, what worries them, and what they think could help them feel better. Children may feel ashamed, sad, and angry.
• Allow them to openly express emotions and tell them it is okay to feel these ways.
• Offer comfort with gentle words or just be present with them.
• Spend more time with the children than usual, even for a short while.
• If your child is very distressed, allow them time to “cool down,” communicate that you love and support them, and be easier on them.

• Below are multiple suggestions on what non-Black individuals can do to show solidarity:

• Educate yourself. We pay educators because educating others is a time-intensive job! People who are experiencing racial injustice are often looked to as the experts or educators; step up and do some independent study while focusing on work from minority groups (Kaur, 2020). 
• Become involved in social action:
  • Look for opportunities to speak and act. Speak up when you witness acts of injustice and intolerance.
  • Challenging others is a way of using your privilege for the benefit of others. You can ask questions, raise issues, and add perspectives that are not naturally coming up in discussions. You can also introduce data, invite people into conversations, and create buzz around ideas. With your privilege amplify the views of people not being heard and bring back conversations when someone is interrupted. Consider other experiences besides your own and think about how you would like to be treated during those times. You can give credit for people’s work and spread the word about their talent.  You can notice when bias is playing out around us, and name it when it happens. When someone brings up your bias, do not be defensive or  quick to challenge it. Instead, try to see from their perspective.
  • Be thoughtful about moments when you may inadvertently speak over the group you mean to support. It is not unusual to inadvertently put ourselves first instead of the people to whom we are trying to be an ally, but it is costly. When it happens, step aside or step back, create space, and learn from those whose lives are directly affected by the issue, rather than presenting yourself as the expert. Take their lead while using your privilege. However, do not use lack of knowledge to remain silent. The voices of those with privilege are heard more than those who are being affected. It is important to speak up.
• Have difficult conversations:
  • Conversations about race can and will likely always be difficult to have, however this does not mean they should not happen. If you have an identity that carries privilege, use it to have difficult conversations. You will likely be listened to and can help others in understanding different perspectives (Connley, 2020) .
  • When conversations about race happen in the classroom, educators should take the lead. If the conversation is part of class discussion, set up guidelines so students can stay respectful throughout the discussion. Having students reflect from an opposing perspective as an exercise can help them understand a classmate’s opinion they may have not understood beforehand.
  • Don’t be afraid to initiate conversations with friends and family who may not be as knowledgeable on topics such as racial trauma and White privilege. Often people are discriminatory and are not aware. Be brave and have these tough conversations with loved ones.
• If you yourself have offended someone and someone speaks up:
  • Don’t be defensive -- take the opportunity to consider how what you said may have come off. How would you feel if someone said something similar to you, based on racial stereotypes or assumptions?
  • Acknowledge that you hurt the person, apologize, and reflect. 
• Learn about other cultures
• Ignorance is often the base of judgment and discrimination towards minority groups. Take the time to learn about different cultures, you will often find more commonalities than not.
  • Ask about different cultural customs and traditions. This can take place by asking friends or classmates of different ethnic backgrounds. But be respectful and receptive during these conversations and don’t judge or assume someone else’s customs are “weird” or “strange”.
  • Watching films, listening to new music, trying new foods, are just a few ways to learn about different groups, and you will likely expose yourself to something you might really like and hadn’t tried before.

• The “Talk” is a parenting task that Black parents engage in with their children that includes how to act when approached by the police and how to survive in a racist society. The ‘Talk’ is a form of racial socialization, a necessary practice that Black families engage in to prepare their children for likely experiences with racial discrimination.

• It is well documented that White parents do not have these conversations with their children or inform their children of the negative outcomes of racial discrimination.  A commonly cited reason for the lack of engagement is that children are too young to understand, yet, racial bias has been shown to peak at elementary school ages. White families endorse a need to discuss race only when the child initiates the conversation or when there is heavy media coverage of racist events (i.e., the protests following the murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd). White parents also heavily practice “color blindness”, the ideology that racial identity does not matter. However, the practice of color blindness is harmful, as it disregards both the strengths and the discriminatory experiences of people of color.
• It is imperative to have conversations with children as early as pre-school age and consistently discuss the topic of racial discrimination as children mature and more frequently witness social injustices.
• To effectively talk with your child, you will need to educate yourself on racism. Don’t ask your Black friend(s) to talk to your children for you. Show your child that it is okay to discuss race and White privilege.
• If you live in a predominantly White area, conversations about race might not come up naturally. You need to start conversations by highlighting this fact.
  • For example, “Most of your [classmates, neighbors, friends] are White. Why do you think that is?” or “The character in this [tv show, book, movie] has a different skin color than us. What do you think about that?”

• PRESCHOOL:

  • MIDDLE SCHOOL AND BEYOND:

  • If you notice your child having biased opinions, discuss these opinions and how they can be harmful for others. Dissect their meanings. 
  • Have deeper conversations on how your child can be an ally and advocate for social rights. This is as easy as questioning why a classmate of color may be treated differently.
  • Encourage your child to be curious but respectful. Explain that they may say things that offend others, but those awkward moments are chances for us to learn and become better people, not to be defensive and fight.
  • Discuss how as a White individual, you have privileges that people of color may not, and how to use your voice to speak up for others.
  • Creating a safe space without judgment for your child to feel open to discuss racial problems with a parent is key to having open conversations. The most important thing a parent can do is to stay consistent with their practices of informing their children about racial discrimination.

  • ELEMENTARY:

  • Ask your children how much they know about racial discrimination. You may be surprised at what they have learned from their peer groups.
  • Have open and free conversations about injustices. Discuss stereotypes, what they mean, and how they can hurt others.
  • There are many books, videos, television programs that discuss racial discrimination and injustices. Use these to initiate conversations.
  • Point out instances of racism when you see them. Doing so demonstrates that it is not taboo to discuss and call-out racism.
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  • Normalize these differences and take the time to discuss other cultures.
  • Use language children will understand, but do not tiptoe around the idea of racism.
  • If discussing racial injustices, explain how it is not fair for people who are darker to be treated differently.
• When children notice the differences in skin tone between themselves and their playmates explain that people come in all beautiful shades, making each individual unique and special. 

Resources on how to initiate conversations about race, racism, and using your privilege to undo racism and White privilege

• Children
  • Books
    • Something Happened in My Town (to discuss police-involved shootings/murders) and Not My Idea (for White families), and reasoning behind reading them.
    • 31 Children's books to support conversations on race, racism and resistance
    • These Books Can Help You Explain Racism and Protest to Your Kids
  • Raising conscious children:  
    • NPR’s Talking about Race with Young Children
    • A Family Guide to Talking About Race
    • What White Children Need to Know About Race
    • Raising a (White) Anti-Racist Kid
    • Anti-Racism for Kids: An Age-by-Age Guide to Fighting Hate
    • Talking to Children About Racial Bias
• Adults
  • Books and Podcasts
    • Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria: And Other Conversations About Race
    • Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor
    • Robin DiAngelo On White People's 'Fragility'
    • 10 Books About Race To Read Instead Of Asking A Person Of Color To Explain Things To You
    • Free Copies of Books
  • Videos
    • The Privilege Checklist
    • The Promise: A Lesson in White Privilege
    • White Like Me: Race, Racism & White Privilege in America
    • What’s Missing From “White Fragility”
  • Websites
    • How To Talk About Privilege To Someone Who Doesn’t Know What That Is
    • Decentering Whiteness and Creating Inclusive and Equitable Conferences: A Tip Sheet
    • Guide to Allyship
• Build a more representative library for your children
  • 30 Children’s Books About Diversity That Celebrate Our Differences
  • History and current issues in school reform and education policy
  • How to Diversify Your Child’s Bookshelves
  • Help Your Kids Find Books with Diverse Characters
  • Knowing Our History to Build a Brighter Future: Books to Help Kids Understand the Fight for Racial Equality
  • Apps and Games with Diverse Characters
• How to be an ally
  • Videos
    • Cracking the Codes: Joy DeGruy "A Trip to the Grocery Store"
    • How to be a good ally
  • Tips
    • 5 Tips For Being An Ally
    • 4 Ways to Push Back Against Your Privilege
• Dealing with Racism in the Classroom/Institutions of Learning